I gained some weight freshly out of high school some people call it the freshman 15. Although after dropping out of the college I chose and ran anxiety attack stricken home I was no longer a freshman, I was simply a girl living with her boyfriend trying to figure out the next step. In the meantime we were (and still are) learning the way around the kitchen in a crappy small apartment and chose to eat out the majority of the time!
Later we found out we were expecting Raygan, I was already chubby so why not add a baby! I never understood when girls would be upset about their changing body and getting big because I had never been truly comfortable in my own skin. Although the stretch marks I wasn't too pleased about.
After having Raygan I breast fed for 9 months, lost the giant size dd boobs I've had since middle school and got to a happy size, right about that time we found out Remy was coming in strong. So clearly I didn't get too comfy in the happy size I was in. After Remy it wasn't hard to loose the weight, once again breast feeding for 9 months. I got lucky cause I only truly worked out right after Raygan and really haven't much since then. For the first time in years I was able to purchase shirts without trying them on strictly for my boobs and I was comfortable, truly comfortable in my body, even with stretch marks covering my tummy. Ill take smaller boobs with stretch marks covering my tummy any day.
This time around its a bit more of a struggle for me mentally. I have giant money bag boobs again that I never wished upon anyone and I'm not used to it. I mean, I had to half way grasp my boobs while going down the stairs for years-a two year break and it's all new to me.
I'm at the point in my pregnancy where my stomach doesn't smoosh, it's hard to breathe and I'm always thirsty. In hindsight I'm happy my tummy is out of the smoosh stage- it just makes maneuvering around a bit more difficult. I've forgotten what it's like to not breathe loud and to be normal-I suppose Em far from normal when you add breastfeeding into it all. But at least I know what normal is now, vs beforehand when I was still learning who I was as a person along with figuring out my own body.
I'm thankful that I have a man who likes a big booty and kindly told me-after helping me up off the couch- that he barley notices because to him he loves my body and me, and the big boobs lately are a plus for him I suppose. Even with this being my third actual pregnancy its still an odd experience and I still find the entire process overwhelming and well-totally alien-ish.