You Know You're About to Have a Baby When

Your four year old tells you "your belly's getting so big mom, she's coming any minute" and your two year old is asking you if they are going to "cut your baby out" at every tedious doctors appointment.  

When all of your bills are paid, and the ones at the beginning of December are already taken care of as well. 
When your squeezing every single appointment possible in so that we can lay as low as we can after she arrives. From oil changes to hair and dentist appointments to photography newborn consultations. 

When you start to panic because you realize you hardly have anything, let alone a room organized and ready.  


When you have people asking you left and right what kind of food allergies your family has in hopes to send over a nice meal after she's here. 

When your husband asks you why your breathing so hard -every single day- and you lay down in bed at night curious as to why the hell your heartburn can't at least come during the day. 

When your up at 4am anxiously putting baby items in your cart on your cell phone because you can't sleep and apparently 4am is a productive time. 

When you start planning where the big sisters are going to go and prepping them for mamas hospital stay. 

When you stare at your kids in awe and a lump somehow makes it's way to the tip top of your throat and you wonder how they will react with a new baby sister and instantly panic and you start biting your nails and fidgeting. 

When your maternity jeans nearly have wholes in the knees and you refuse to buy any other piece of clothing that won't fit after pregnancy because your just too close-so you settle for leggings instead. 

When you barely turn in the middle of the night and then want to die for few short minutes because of it causing your ligaments to pull to the brim. 

When you completely and totally forget what it's like to feel 'normal' and take nearly two baths a day to help relieve  a week long migraine and massive rib pain that just doesn't stop. 

When you notice you are starting to "nest" because you start washing your dog at the most random part of the day, or you decide to make cookies at 10 pm.

if you cant tell these photos are from my babyshower put on by my mama, mother in law, and sister in law. Love them! 

Money Bag Boobs

Lets start from the beginning shall we? 

I gained some weight freshly out of high school some people call it the freshman 15. Although after dropping out of the college I chose and ran anxiety attack stricken home I was no longer a freshman, I was simply a girl living with her boyfriend trying to figure out the next step. In the meantime we were (and still are) learning the way around the kitchen in a crappy small apartment and chose to eat out the majority of the time! 

Later we found out we were expecting Raygan, I was already chubby so why not add a baby! I never understood when girls would be upset about their changing body and getting big because I had never been truly comfortable in my own skin. Although the stretch marks I wasn't too pleased about. 

After having Raygan I breast fed for 9 months, lost the giant size dd boobs I've had since middle school and got to a happy size, right about that time we found out Remy was coming in strong. So clearly I didn't get too comfy in the happy size I was in. After Remy it wasn't hard to loose the weight, once again breast feeding for 9 months. I got lucky cause I only truly worked out right after Raygan and really haven't much since then. For the first time in years I was able to purchase shirts without trying them on strictly for my boobs and I was comfortable, truly comfortable in my body, even with stretch marks covering my tummy.  Ill take smaller boobs with stretch marks covering my tummy any day.

This time around its a bit more of a struggle for me mentally. I have giant money bag boobs again that I never wished upon anyone and I'm not used to it. I mean, I had to half way grasp my boobs while going down the stairs for years-a two year break and it's all new to me. 

I'm at the point in my pregnancy where my stomach doesn't smoosh, it's hard to breathe and I'm always thirsty. In hindsight I'm happy my tummy is out of the smoosh stage- it just makes maneuvering around a bit more difficult. I've forgotten what it's like to not breathe loud and to be normal-I suppose Em far from normal when you add breastfeeding into it all. But at least I know what normal is now, vs beforehand when I was still learning who I was as a person along with figuring out my own body.

I'm thankful that I have a man who likes a big booty and kindly told me-after helping me up off the couch- that he barley notices because to him he loves my body and me, and the big boobs lately are a plus for him I suppose. Even with this being my third actual pregnancy its still an odd experience and I still find the entire process overwhelming and well-totally alien-ish.

A Bump in my Road

I've definitely learned the meaning of bad timing throughout the last little while but this one incident in particular was awful timing. 

the most inconvenient spot ever. 

I woke  up and feeling off, kinda sick feeling with a headache. I halfway slept on the couch with Raygan as we watched cartoons and waited for the others to wake up. I mustered up some energy to take the girls to the splash park because my niece is in town and we had to show her a good time of course. 

We lasted a couple hours and headed home, as soon as we got home I felt some massive pain in my lower left side of my stomach. I handled the pain for a little while then text Cameron and told him "I hate to complain but...." I'm not a complainer, I just try and handle it. I hold stuff in. So whenever I've had to go to the er he knows it's bad. (Which has seemed like a ton the last couple years) he came home and my best friend came to pick me up. My original plan was to drive but Cameron put a stop to that (thank god)

I have never witness pain like that. Child labor was far less. I have never begged for medication like I did, and I have never sent my friend for a doctor two different times in five minutes.

So many hours later their result was I had a massive UTI. I'm still not fully sure that's what's going on because I've had many in my life and I don't even feel like it. This is the same er that sent me home twice two years ago because they couldn't figure out what was causing my continuous fainting and high temperature, oh and the vomiting, in result it ended up being a miscarriage that was having trouble passing. And again the same er that told me that i "wasn't in pain" enough when I went there for my appendix and what do you know -test and blood levels proved I needed an appendectomy. 

So we shall see.